When I heard that the lady from the business office was going to be speaking in chapel, I must admit I wasn't that excited.  Maybe it was due to the belief that all faculty here had the same testimony and the ones with musical ability were asked to do chapel.  After worship was over, I thought the best part was over.  I was wrong.  I sat back in my chair thinking about my next class when I heard the words "drugs", "wrong choices" and "despair" come from the front of the room.  I found myself sitting up again.  It was not said about someone else, but about the very woman speaking.  I was taken aback by the plain language and gut-wrenching honesty.  Things in my life were flashing before my eyes - choices I had made that made me feel dirty.  Would I ever be real enough to talk about my past like this?  Mary James was real.  Here were all the dark places in her life brought to the light where they could hold no power over her anymore.  I asked God how He could use my life despite how the loss and grief affected it.  God seemed to be speaking to me and telling me to leave my past behind where He would take care of it, and start living for Him in every way.  I ran home and wrote out my testimony admitting the times I was in despair, when my mom was killed, when I stopped eating, when all I could think about was death.  I don't know what the Lord will do with this, but I know I can't keep it any longer.  I felt so free as the tears fell.  I can't help but think that maybe someday I can bless someone else with how God delivered me.  Maybe more people could step out of their darkness and really change things, or simply be real about it like the musical lady from the business office.

                                                       ~ Alexis W. ~
                                              San Diego Christian College Student